The part of me that doesn’t want to be here

No matter where I am, my practice is to sit there and be still there for a moment.
.
No matter what I am feeling, my practice is to sit and be still with that for a moment.
.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to be here now or to feel this now.
.
There’s a part of me that prefers to create another reality and make up stories of what is real. Stories that try to prove my beliefs. Beliefs about who I am and who I am not in relation to this world. In relation to you.
.
That part of me is desperately trying to make the world and my existence more understandable, more worthwhile, more controllable, safer.
.
That part of me is desperately trying to deny my pain, my suffering, my inability to really control anything, and my mortality.
.
And so here I am. I sit in stillness with that part of me too.
.
Because that part of me is so ok, so welcome, so human.
.
And in that moment of awareness I chose to increase my presence to that part. To love her more and give her my undivided attention.
.
What is it my love? What are you so desperately calling my attention for? I am here. I am listening.
.
And then it comes.
.
I drop into the most profound deep intimacy I have been longing for without even knowing.
.
I hold my little girl in the arms of the Great Father.
.
I envelope my feminine in the warm embrace of her beloved masculine, and at last I am safe. Safe enough to feel all of that.
.
And in return I am gifted with a direct connection to the driving force of creativity fueled by yearning, passion, and unconditional love.
.
And to think I could have missed that! I could have denied that! Arrrr!
.
I chose to be here now with all parts of me and all parts of life in this moment.
.
Holy moly!!! There’s so much aliveness and awesomeness right here right now ready to be felt and made manifest.
.
Let’s not miss the life that is here and is longing to birth through us by trying to be somewhere else or feeling something else or limiting everything by what we think we know.

Listen deeply,
Live courageously,
Love fiercely.

With love,
Georgina xxx